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Churchillian Anecdotes

Sir Winston Churchill was not only a master at using anecdotes, he is also a first class source for them for the rest of us! I've included six below with some examples of where and when you could use them.

Anecdote 1

Prior to the disastrous British landing in Norway in March 1940, a proposal was made that the Royal marines should be provided with condoms to protect the ten and a half inch rifle barrels from freezing in Arctic temperatures. A supplier was asked to produce a prototype, and Churchill, who was First Lord of the Admiralty at the time, was asked to take a look at them.

First he looked at the box. ' This won't do ,' he muttered. Then he looked at one of the condoms. ' Won't do at all ,' he growled.

The supplier was perplexed. ' What do you mean ?' he asked. ' This will clearly sheath a ten and a half inch barrel' .

' There's no labelling' , Churchill said. ' I want a label for every box, every carton, every packet, saying 'British - Size Medium'. If they ever recover one of them, that will show the Nazis who is the master race!'

You could use this if you are making a marketing presentation about new packaging by following it with the words, ' Churchill fully understood the importance of getting the right message on the packaging, which is why we've repackaged 'Product X'.

Anecdote 2

Whilst one of his Socialist opponents was droning on and on in a long-winded Commons debate, Churchill responded by very ostentatiously slumping down in his seat and closing his eyes. Seeing this, the speaker got very indignant and said, 'Must the right honourable gentleman fall asleep when I am speaking?' To which he received the memorable reply, 'No, it is purely voluntary'.

You could use this if you are called upon to introduce another speaker, by following it with the words, "I can assure you there is no chance of this happening with our next speaker."

Anecdote 3

We tend to accept Churchill unquestioningly as one of the country's greatest leaders, but at times during the war not everyone agreed. In 1942 he was under fierce attack by his opponents, but he responded by saying:

'There was a custom in ancient China that anyone who wished to criticise the emperor had the right to do so, provided he followed it up by committing suicide. Great respect would be paid to his words, and no ulterior motive would be assigned. That seems to me to have been from many points of view a very wise custom, but I certainly would be the last to suggest that it should be made retrospective'.

You could use this if you have been under attack or criticised heavily by the press or your opponents.

Anecdote 4

Churchill was once waiting to be called on stage to give a speech to a huge crowd. The lady charged with introducing him leaned over and asked, 'Doesn't it thrill you Mr. Churchill, to see all those people out there who came just to listen to you?'

To which Churchill replied, ' It is very flattering, but whenever I feel this way I always remember that if instead of making a political speech I was being hanged, the crowd would be twice as big '.

You could use this as an opening if you are speaking to a large audience and have just received a flattering introduction.

Anecdote 5

During the wartime coalition, Churchill had to offer jobs to some of his political opponents, and quietly 'sidelined' many of them by giving them fairly pointless jobs. One of these jobs was the Lord Privy Seal, whose responsibilities involved supervising state papers.

One day the Lord Privy Seal sent an aide to get Churchill's signature, and the young man tracked down the Prime Minister by detecting clouds of cigar smoke billowing from under the door of one of the cubicles in the House of Commons lavatory. ' Prime Minister' , the aide said, ' the Lord Privy Seal requires your signature on an important document' .

Annoyed at being bothered by a man he had a particular dislike of, replied ' Tell the Lord Privy Seal that I am in my privy'. (NB: for non-British readers, the word 'privy' is an old-fashioned term for a toilet) There was a pause, and he added, 'And I can only deal with one shit at a time '.

You could use this if you had two thorny problems to deal with, and you were going to concentrate on one before turning to the other.

Anecdote 6

Churchill was once speaking in a church hall that was decorated in a common colour scheme of that era -brown up to shoulder height, then cream up to and including the ceiling. After his speech he called for questions and a middle-aged woman dressed in country tweeds raised her hand. 'Mr Churchill, I am a member of the Temperance League,' she said, 'and my local branch has been examining your use of alcohol. Are you aware that, during your lifetime to date you have consumed enough alcohol to fill this hall up to here!'

And she stretched her arm dramatically to indicate the brown zone on the wall. 'We want to know what you intend to do about it!' Churchill looked at the woman, followed her arm to the top of the shoulder-high brown zone, and then slowly allowed his gaze to move up through the cream zone to the ceiling. He puffed on his cigar before replying and said, 'So little time, so much to do.'

You could use this if you feel you have made a good start on something but have a lot left to do.

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